(Since I am hard up for content I figured a weekly thing might be just the thing. When I described what I do here, one guy insisted that he write it. He submitted some posts and having read some of it, I now feel that this was a very bad idea. But I promised so this will be on a trial basis and will need the following: )
Disclaimer: QWERTY’s opinions are not mine nor of the site’s. The psudonym QWERTY is used to protect the innocent. Love Is the Drug movie
(He also insisted that I have this be his debut rather than the post he submitted to me first. Why not? – The Swain Once Upon a Time in America the movie
)
Step 1: go to college
Step 2: call yourself a game critic, no proof of purchase necessary
Step 3: learn or befriend someone with basic wordpress skills, if you really want to be snazzy don’t use blogspot and splurge the extra 10 bucks on the domain name
Step 4: now play a video game
Step 5: find people who have also played this video game
Step 6: mix and match their opinions into your posts
Tourist Trap divx Step 7: link like crazy
Step 8: come to the realization that you’re a sad and worthless parasite who leaches off the ideas of others you incorrigible, thieving hack
Hans Christian Andersen video Step 9: troll 4Chan
Step 10: get a real job and forget any trumped up self-importance you think you have
Step 11: alternatively, latch on to someone else’s site, so when it inevitably goes down in flames you don’t get blamed for it and there’s the possibility of free cash
(I wonder if he’s the right man for the job? – The Swain)
February 27th, 2009 at 4:44 pm
Coincidentally, that’s a simplified version of a satire Samuel Johnson wrote about the life of a literary critic. Except the real job was to become a teacher and just fill other people’s heads with your opinion.
February 27th, 2009 at 5:11 pm
I think Step 4 is pretty superfluous actually.
February 27th, 2009 at 6:59 pm
I think more attention should be paid to point #9.
*strokes chin*
March 1st, 2009 at 2:19 am
I’ve been stuck on #8 for about the last year and a half. Thank god I finally know what to do next.
March 1st, 2009 at 7:59 am
I’m somewhat confused. Kinda like when you first start “Pale Fire” and you’re not yet sure if you’re reading about the poem or about the editor. Is QWERTY a separate person? Is this an elaborate metafiction? Or maybe this is “The Swain”’s [or better yet, "The Swain"'s creator's] attempt to create an alternative persona. Kinda like Fernando Pessoa and his many heteronyms.