How to Write Good Video Game Critique

(Since I am hard up for content I figured a weekly thing might be just the thing. When I described what I do here, one guy insisted that he write it. He submitted some posts and having read some of it, I now feel that this was a very bad idea. But I promised so this  will be on a trial basis and will need the following: )

Disclaimer: QWERTY’s opinions are not mine nor of the site’s. The psudonym QWERTY is used to protect the innocent.

(He also insisted that I have this be his debut rather than the post he submitted to me first. Why not? – The Swain)

Step 1: go to college

Step 2: call yourself a game critic, no proof of purchase necessary

Step 3: learn or befriend someone with basic wordpress skills, if you really want to be snazzy don’t use blogspot and splurge the extra 10 bucks on the domain name

Step 4: now play a video game

Step 5: find people who have also played this video game

Step 6: mix and match their opinions into your posts

Step 7: link like crazy

Step 8: come to the realization that you’re a sad and worthless parasite who leaches off the ideas of others you incorrigible, thieving hack

Step 9: troll 4Chan

Step 10: get a real job and forget any trumped up self-importance you think you have

Step 11: alternatively, latch on to someone else’s site, so when it inevitably goes down in flames you don’t get blamed for it and there’s the possibility of free cash

(I wonder if he’s the right man for the job? – The Swain)